Grindhouse - Zoe Bell

After seeing Grindhouse the other day, the two words I kept saying over and over to myself were: Zoe Bell...Zoe Bell...Zoe Bell. Even today, several days later...I keep saying them over and over in my mind: Zoe Bell!

In the Quentin Tarentino movie, Death Proof, in Grindhouse, Zoe Bell plays one of the characters pursued by psycho Stuntman Bob (Kurt Russell). Her character name: Zoe Bell...she plays herself, a stuntwoman working on a movie.

Being a fan of Quentin Tarentino movies, but not a raving/geek/Tarentino fan, I didn’t go into Grindhouse knowing who Zoe Bell was. Now that I have seen the movie, I know who she is. She is a real live working stuntwoman. And she has doubled Uma Thurman, Sharon Stone, and Lucy Lawless in Kill Bill, Catwoman, and Xena...among others.

One of the major attractions to Death Proof was the car chase scene(s). One of which involved the “character” of Zoe Bell talking one her stuntwoman girlfriends into participating in something called Ship’s Mast. This is an extreme “sport” involving sitting on the hood of a fast moving car and holding on to a couple of belts strapped to the door frames. In this movie, Zoe Bell does exactly that on the hood of a borrowed 1970 Dodge Challenger...and she does it all herself, in real time speed, without computer generated special effects. It is, without a doubt, the wildest, most dangerous, continuous stunt you’ll ever see in a movie. Now, factor in psycho Stuntman Bob and his attempts to run them off this country road in his 1968 Dodge Charger. It’s simply incredible to watch and worth the price of seeing Death Proof again as well as buying the DVD when it comes out.

Now, factor in Zoe Bell herself. She is an extremely appealing, engaging, fresh-faced, hot actress as well...in her first dramatic role (save for a couple of minor acting parts in two other movies). She is a tall, slender, very athletic, pretty blonde from New Zealand. From a distance, she looks a lot like Uma...hence, her role doubling Uma in recent films.

In the majority of the chat rooms and forums concerning Grindhouse, it is Zoe Bell who is receiving most of the “buzz”. The movie itself is fun, witty, thrilling, and gross all at the same time. But this Zoe Bell is something else.

What sort of dramatic future does she have, it’s anyone’s guess? She and Tarentino have a lot of movie history together, they both like each other (though she has a boyfriend in NZ), and will undoubtedly work together again in the near future. That is inevitable.

Her acting is pretty good. Her visual appeal is undeniable. She is a sweet-looking, tom-girly, treat who could kick your ass without breaking a sweat. Her background comes from gymnastics and martial arts. Wow!

Zoe Bell...Zoe Bell...Zoe Bell. You gotta see what she does in Grindhouse to believe it!

Grindhouse

Take two trendy writer/directors known for “off the wall” flicks. Throw in a couple of outrageous scripts, an ample assortment of name actors, more than enough girls in hot pants, zombies with bubbling faces, the KNB Special Effects team, a major car chase, peer group directors in acting parts, and the gimmick of a “double feature”...mix well...add a few other gimmicks...and what do you have? You have Grindhouse: Planet Terror and Death Proof.

If you are not already a fan of Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill (Pt 1 & Pt 2), Jackie Brown, Desperado, From Dusk Till Dawn, or Sin City...Grindhouse may not covert you to being a raving fan of Quentin Tarentino and Robert Rodriguez. If you are already a fan, after seeing Grindhouse you will say, “Cool. What’s next for these guys?”

I must admit when I saw the first teaser/trailer on television a while back, I thought Grindhouse was some sort of Tarentino offering similar to Hostel, or The Devil’s Rejects, ie, Horror/Graphic Violence/Thriller/Blood Splatter/T & A/Zombie movie. After seeing Grindhouse yesterday, I discovered that it is indeed a Horror/Graphic Violence/Thriller/Blood Spatter/T & A/Zombie movie...but a fun one! Again, if you are not already a Tarentino/Rodriguez fan...you may not get this movie. And, yes, one of characters in these flicks is the gratuitous violence itself. With that in mind...

Don’t take the kiddies. Don’t take granny. And don’t go see Grindhouse if you are overly sensitive to all the stuff I mentioned above. Beyond those guidelines...see it and expect to have some fun at the movies.

I do have a few complaints, minor complaints, but complaints. First, one big request for Tarentino: Stay behind the friggin’ camera! I’m not sure why you insist on playing characters in your own movies. If you continue to insist on doing that, just play yourself...that’s the only part you do well.

Second complaint. I really think it could have done without the scratchy film, faux bad edits, and missing reels. Although I suspect the missing reels may show up on DVD, just a guess. These are the “grindhouse” gimmicks most of us more mature moviegoers remember well from the olden days. Only in those days, they just happened! All the phoney movie previews at the beginning, and the “Coming Soon” featurettes in between the two flicks worked very well by the way. Nice touch.

(Spoiler in the next paragraph. No big deal though, it won’t “ruin” the movie for you.)

Lastly, the ending of the second movie, Death Proof, was just too funky and abrupt...even for these guys. An extended 100 mph car chase through the countryside ends, the girls kick their tormentor's ass for what seemed like an eternity, then “The End”. Poof...over!

Loretta and I enjoyed Grindhouse. In the scheme of things (our movie-going) it would rate a 7 out of 10 on our scale...if we had a rating scale, which we don’t. Like most people who actually go to the theater to see movies, we are disappointed more than we are “wowed”. We weren’t disappointed at all with this. It was a fun, at times gross, in-your-face Action flick. And that car chase was excellent, especially since it appeared to NOT use any CG effects whatsoever.

I don’t need to go into details about the story lines here. If you are a fan of this genre, you know what it’s about. If you aren’t a fan, click here for some insight, a unique website that is almost as much fun as the movie itself. Then, go see Grindhouse. Don’t take it too seriously. It is “tongue-in-cheek” movie making at its best. Plus, there's always Bruce Willis. Oh, and Zoe Bell...who was Uma's stunt double in several flicks. By the way...Uma's not in this (go figure)!

Foamy food - what's up with that?

It conjures up one of those scenes from a Steve Martin movie, "Waiter, there are snails on her plate! Get them out of here and bring us something decent!"

Only now, it would sound something like, "Waiter, there is foam on my plate! Get this out of here and bring me some food!"

I suppose I shouldn't criticize this relatively new trendy food "trend" until I taste something with foam on it. Or is there a taste profile at all? Whatever the foam tastes like, it can't be much. After all, it's friggin' foam! Maybe it just looks interesting sitting next to the other micro tidbits and mini-drizzles of colorful sauces, expensive baby vegetables, and unpronounceable crumbs of who-knows-what.

Even the foam doesn't cover very much of mega-sized plates...so oversized and lacking of substance that it looks as though you've been served a dirty plate from the nearby bus tub.
"Excuse me, waiter", I ask, "it seems as though someone has already eaten off this plate...all that's left are scraps!"

Me: "And how much am I paying for this quarter-sized morsel of pigeon feet, stinky cheese, and see-through shavings of fungis?"
Waiter: "Sir, I believe it is priced at $27. But let's not forget that your are privileged to be experiencing cuisine from Chef Marquar Benitez, from Spain".
Me: "What do you call this stinky concoction again?" (becoming a tad indignant)
Waiter: "Now, now!"
Me: "Well...this Now Now not only smells like doggy doo, it has foam on it!"

(My thanks, again, to Blake Edwards and Peter Sellars for the Now Now joke.)

For us tonight: Baked Ziti, homemade sourdough bread, and a glass or two of cheap red wine. There won't be any foam involved...except from the yeast in my soughdough starter! The final 9 episodes of The Sopranos begins tonight.

Fugeddaboutit!

What floats your boat?

Back in my Navy days, the expression was "What spins your prop?" Although, "What floats your boat?" may be Navy oriented as well.

I am reasonably confident that at least 4 people read this blog...on occasion. With that in mind..."What floats your boat?" Please feel free to include spousal units as well, so I can expect at least a couple of comments.

There are no rules or regulations in this request, ie, must be nautical in nature....except, it must be something that has actually happened to you! No bizarre fantasies from the Star Trek Holidome. They may be naughty in nature if you see fit. Is it a certain song? Maybe a song by Billy Ocean that causes you to dance/groove in front of a mirror in the privacy of your own bathroom or automobile? Maybe it's correctly responding to more than three Jeopardy questions in a row (double Jeopardy of course) in funky categories like Ancient Russian History, or, "Pooch-ini-isms" (notice the quotes), or Air Supply - the Lost Hits.

If I had to choose just three things that "float(ed) my boat", here they are.

1. A 350 mph fly-by (right over my head) of a P-51 Mustang.

2. Catching my first trout in a mountain stream (I was 14 at the time).

3. Watching the birth of my children. (Second only to finding out that my "guys" actually worked 9 months earlier).

What spins (or has spun) your prop?

A.I. - again!

A few years ago, the initials A.I. conjured up that lame Spielberg flick, Artificial Intelligence. Now...it's American Idol. The comparisons will be obvious to anyone who watches the show and is NOT a raving, dedicated fan.

After last night's program, I use to think A.I. could be likened to people's fascination with driving by a bad accident. Now, it's more like watching your pet goldfish flopping around on the floor after the bowl breaks...gasping for air in an unfamiliar, hostile alien environment. Or, how about in Total Recall when those people are exposed to the Martian atmosphere, and their eyes and tongues are bulging out, waiting to explode?

In any case, in the course of two weeks, we have been sucked into the vortex of this black hole of embarrassing media mediocrity. Even Simon can't think of that much mean stuff anymore. He has become even more sarcastic (saying just the opposite of how he really feels).

I can't wait for the results tonight! Phil is toast.

Marketing a wedding photography business in a small town

An essential part of any business is the marketing end of it. Identifying and securing a customer base is the way money is made. Without paying customers, your "business" efforts are for naught.

For years, the "experts" haven't conclusively agreed upon a standard definition of what marketing really is. Basically, (according to Wikipedia) it is the process by which products, services, and value are exchanged in order to fulfill individual's needs and wants. These processes include, but are not limited to, advertising.

During the past two years, I have maintained a few ads on internet weddings sites, handed out my business card to most every new person I meet, and I will participate in a retail bridal show soon (my first). The actual bookings of weddings from these efforts have been relatively scarce. Though the responses to these ads has been moderate, a decent smathering of brides in need of future wedding photography services. The problem has been the pricing end of my marketing. At least that is what I have surmised (assumed) the problem is.

Typical email response I receive..."Gee, I really love your wedding photography on your website. That's exactly what we are looking for...your style and quality of photos. Would you please send us a price sheet so we can book you for our wedding in (date)?"

I email them back with a few words of thanks and my rate sheet. Then (most of the time)...nothing. I never hear back from them.

Keep in mind that the national average fee for wedding photography is $2500 for the photographer's time, not including prints, albums, DVD's, video, or washing the bride and groom's car. That's just for your time. Now, factor in my location (small town, central valley California)...my rates are much lower than that, with packages that include prints and digital negatives (photo DVD)...the whole ball of wax. Just "over the hill" from where we live is the San Francisco Bay Area (70 miles). You can't even speak to a wedding photographer over there for less than about $5000. Some where between S.F., Hayward, San Jose, Dublin, Livermore...moving east...to Modesto (our town of residence)...the perception of value for wedding photography (or any wedding service in general) plummets!

The national average full wedding budget is about $50,000. The wedding photography piece of that is 10-20% ($5000+). Around these "parts", we're looking at somewhere around $500-$700 for what folks are willing to fork over for the same service. A service, I might add, that provides the couple with one of the only tactile items (besides the wedding rings and top of the cake) they will be able to take with them after all the hoopla...a record of the event.

Be that as it may...needless to say...the bottom line is...marketing the wedding photography end of my business has presented its challenges. During a recent meeting with a prospective bride and groom, here is how the actual conversation went.

Me: So, here is my rate sheet. Complete coverage starts at $1500. You get all-day coverage including the rehearsal the day before, getting ready, the ceremony, and beginning-to-end coverage of the reception. Plus an ample collection of 4x6 prints and album, and the digital negatives on photo DVD. Plus, I will do a slideshow presentation with music on DVD.
Groom: So...you're telling me that we have to actually pay someone to do all of this?
Me: Ah...yes.
Groom: I got me an uncle who will do all of that plus 8 hours of video for $500!
Me: Well...if I were you...I would go for that "uncle package"...ya' can't beat that.

At some point as a photographer, you have to ask yourself the question, "What are my services worth?" Not, "What are Modesto photography services worth?" You do the same work for $2500 as you would for $500. Unfortunately, there is not a standard, minimum rate for this kind of service. There is for plumbers, auto mechanics, and carpenters...but not for photographers. A profession that provides a service to a customer. It's not a critical service mind you. You can live without it. But a valid service nonetheless.

Why is the perception of value so low around here? Because that is what local photographers have been charging for a long time, and will continue to charge. There is not a Photographers Union Local #311. There will probably never be a photographer's union. In fact, generally speaking, photographers themselves are a pretty reclusive, close-lipped bunch. They (we) don't get together and discuss their business with each other. Photography attempts to balance art and business.

And the digital revolution has not only helped the photography business, it has hindered it. Digital equipment has taken away the mystique that was the art of photography. No longer are there photo proofs printed on photo paper that fade after a few months. Digital proofs of any kind can be "sucked" off a web page without compensation to the photographer. Anyone can have prints made from a "proof" CD at Rite Aid, Costco, or the local hardware store...for pennies. The "print" end of a photographer's business used to account for at least half of their income. Now, it's difficult to maintain that security and integrity. We rarely sold our negatives. Print sales were a vital part of the cash flow.

So now, most wedding photographers are again charging for their services up front, ie, offering complete packages for time and prints. And that is not a bad thing for either the customer or the photographer. The mark-up on prints is very high. Most customers don't realize that a "service plus prints" package is much more costly than a "service and prints" deal. It's that simple.

Marketing a business involves determining that perception of value piece, for any product or service. What will someone pay for that item or service? What will the market bear?

Around here, it would be rare to find anyone willing to pay $35 for a plate of charred meat with a couple tablespoons of sauce on it, regardless of the ambiance and fancy decor. In San Francisco, that's a pretty good price for fine dining! The same goes for photography. What do you think it's worth?

By the way, my final answer to the bride and groom and the "uncle package"?

Me: My advice to you is to go with your uncle's offer, but offer to pay him only $400. Then, take that other $100 and purchase about 20 disposable cameras to place on the tables at the reception. And, have him wash your car as well.

True story. A sad story, but a true story.

By the way, for destination weddings, ie, Cancun, Cabo, or Casablanca, the fee pretty much doubles.

For what it's worth...here is my photo website www.skiphansenphotos.com I am always willing to talk about rates and to customize my packages. And, at this point in time, I would be willing to wash your car as well...for the right price.

Potpourri- I hate my life, Wendy's stinks, home made sourdough.

Me and Loretta...

Me: Honey, I hated my life until I met you (12 years ago),
Loretta: What d'ya mean? You still hate your life!
Me: Yeah...but not quite as much.

Wendy's...

For some inexplainable reason, we ventured into our nearby Wendy's for lunch today. Loretta says, "Hey, look...Junior Bacon Cheeseburger for 99 cents!" Our visit only validated why we never go to Wendy's. I used to patronize them years ago...you know, those big, square meat patties, ketchup, lettuce, tomato...not bad. But this Junior Bacon Cheeseburger didn't resemble the poster in the window in the least. I hadn't seen such a miniscule burger patty since I worked at McDonald's in 1966. And, some sort of piece of iceberg lettuce from the stump area of the head, a tomato slice that was still green, and one slice of see-through, pre-cooked bacon. Oh yeah...and the bun was stale. That Dave guy would be rolling over in his grave if he knew what was happening at Wendy's now! Loretta says, "Why do people come in here?" "Must be the chili and baked potatoes...'cause it sure ain't for the burgers!", I replied. How can you f***up a hamburger?

Home Made Sourdough Bread...

Today, I baked my first from-scratch, home made sourdough bread. Yesterday, I made the sourdough starter. And today I baked my first "artisinal" bread. It turned out excellent...thick, crunchy crust, etc. I knew I could find a purpose for that pizza stone someone gave us for a wedding present! The character of the sourdough will improve as the starter ages. One must remove some every few days and replace it with fresh water and flour...the yeast does the rest. It's soooo easy. The bread baking business (like the coffee business) could be so profitable...the ingredients cost next to nothing. They say that San Francisco sourdough bread is so good because of the weather there...salty humidty, et all. I'll have to settle for just thinking about the City by the Bay when I'm making it...couldn't hurt.