The 1st of April

April Fools’ Day. According to Wikipedia, ‘the day is marked by the commission of hoaxes and other practical jokes of varying sophistication on friends, enemies and neighbors, or sending them on fools’ errands, the aim of which is to embarrass the gullible’. Seems more like April Cruel Day when you think about it. Anyone who participates in “celebrating” this date is the biggest fool of them all. And, most likely, celebrates in this fashion 365 days of the year anyway. I have never really been a practical joker...though I have been the gullible recipient of such behavior on many occasions. The key word here is gullible. My gullibility has not only affected my personal life, but a good deal of my professional life as well. In this context, I’m juxtapositioning gullible and naively trustworthy...to a fault.

April 1st is also the day I began writing again, at least in this here blog. It was one week ago today that my life reluctantly took another right angle turn toward who knows where. The sordid details forthcoming.

From the start of this web-log, I’ve tried to avoid making it a simple journal of my day-to-day life. Friends have told me this type of narcissistic prattle is not interesting to read by anyone but close acquaintances and relatives hoping to stay “in touch”. I somewhat disagree with that observation. If these ramblings and musings constitute a journal or a diary, so be it. It’s all I have to go by, at least with non-fiction. My fictionesque works in progress certainly contain many elements of real life as well...my real life. Of course, my so-called life is heavily laced with daydreams and fantasies, some of which closely relate to reality, some not so closely.

For instance, many years ago, when I was a teenager, I imagined what it would be like to be married, live in a nice house, have children, and work at a job and profession I enjoyed. All of which would bring me great satisfaction and peace of mind. I dreamed about it, I wished for it...and it happened. Then, it went away. The satisfaction and peace of mind disappeared. The memories, both good and bad, remain. My children being the most important relic from that period in my life...a good thing.

Later on, I imagined what it would be like to be married to a caring, loving lady, live in a nice house, and work at a job and profession I enjoyed. All of which would bring me great satisfaction and peace of mind. I dreamed about it, I wished for it...and it happened. Now, it’s going away. The satisfaction and peace of mind have disappeared. The memories, both good and bad remain. My caring, loving lady being the most important relic from that period in my life...a good thing.

April Fools’ Day? Sometimes it feels as if my whole life has been one big April Fools’ Day, with a constant mix of Deja Vu thrown in for good measure.

Evidently, I still have quite a long distance to go before it is over. There are many other roads and choices ahead. I can only I hope I make the right choices. Perhaps I need to make my choices, then do the opposite. Perhaps.

One thing I have learned over the years is that there are two kinds of fools and two kinds of assholes in this world. One kind knows what he (or she) is...the other hasn’t a clue. And, yes...they come in both genders!