Even though Englishman Thomas Crapper (yes, a plumber by trade) is erroneously credited with inventing the modern day toilet in the 1800's, historical kudos must go to Sir John Harrington and his flushing system from 1596. In a related misconception, the word crap is not derived from Mr. Crapper either. This word comes from the Dutch krappe, or kak. The German schijt may conjure a just as oft used English word for something similar. I digress. This blog is not a history lesson, but a tribute to The Poopatorium.
We all have poopatoriums. It's just that some us have elevated its status to more than just a small room in the house where the water closet resides. Mine is also referred to as the library, where, among others things, I read. I also play solataire on my iPhone, and, most often, think. Rodin's (pronounced like Godzilla's flying nemisis, Rodan) The Thinker is obviously sitting on the crapper...thinking. Once again, I digress into a history lesson.
So, do you truly have a poopatorium or is it just a crapper? In other words, while on the throne, do you read, or play crossword puzzles, or ponder? Or, do you just...well, take a crap and get out?
Here is an accurate transcription from a conversation I had with an ex-spouse many years ago, who, by the way, took the quickest craps in recorded history. She was in and out in less than a minute. Check that...half a minute.
Ex-spouse: Let me ask you something. When you're in the bathroom on the toilet "reading", do you read then crap? Or do you crap then read? Or, is it an on-going combination of both, ie, crap, read, crap some more, read some more, repeat, etc?
Me: If you have to ask, you'll never understand.
Of course, I'm sure many spouses and moms have accused their husbands and sons of doing other things for long periods of time in the poopatorium. But then it would have to be called the Mastabatorium as well. Fodder for another blog, another time.
My poopatorium has a magazine/book "rack". It's more of a decorative, cloth-lined container. It sits right in front of the commode for easy access. In my "library" at this very moment: several copies of Bicycling and Food & Wine, a couple of photography books, and a newly acquired used copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (found last weekend in the "free" pile at a garage sale). Years ago, Playboys and Penthouses resided but went away when children were introduced. I've read many books in there from cover to cover...not all in one sitting of course.
Over the years, I have had the "crap and read" conversation with many people. And, for the most part, I've found that you are either a reader/crapper or simply a crapper. There doesn't seem to be a gray area. You either are or you are not a poopatorium person. One doesn't understand the other. Like that mars-and-venus, men-and-women-are-not-same book, neither are these two types.
My lovely spouse is a simple crapper. She is in and out in no time. Me, I'm a reader/crapper. If we head to the bathrooms at the same time, she's flushing before I've chosen my first read material. I think at least one of my two children take after me, I'm not sure. In another movie referrence, Miles Raymond (Sideways) was a reader/crapper...taking time to read or do crossword puzzles even when late for an upcoming meeting.
What's the ratio of crapper/readers to crappers? I have no idea. I'm betting O'bama is a reader/crapper for the simple fact that he is probably a multi-tasking, over-achiever who must be doing several things at once. As for my reasons...I just find the solitude of those moments in my day to be extremely rejuvenating and relaxing. Nothing more, nothing less.
At least twice a day (I'm very "regular"), I retire to my poopatorium and do more than just...poop! I emerge just slightly more enlightened than when I entered. And, of course, much lighter!
