Poppy was sloppy!

Yesterday afternoon, just before seeing Shooter...

Cue “Jaws” theme music...

Man walks into theater men’s room. I walk into theater men’s room. Man sidles up to urinal on the end. I sidle up to urinal on the other end, trying to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of peeing next to another guy at urinals without dividers. Man finishes his business before I do. Man zips up and walks toward the wash basins. I finish my business. I zip up and turn to see the man bypassing the wash basins and heading for the door. Man grasps restroom door handle with the same hand that was just handling his “thing”. I want to say to man, “What is wrong with you dude? Didn’t you ever watch Seinfeld...the Poppy is Sloppy episode?” But I say nothing, and procede to wash my hands. After drying my hands, I take two more paper towels with which to grasp said contaminated restroom door handle.

Another man finishes his business just after I do. The other man also bypasses the wash basins and grasps the same door handle that the first guy just grasped. I exist the restroom (using the paper towel door opening method). The other two men are now in the theater lobby eating their popcorn with their fingers. The same fingers that touched their respective “things”, then touched the restroom door handles. Neither of these two men know each other personally...but they are now both very intimate with each other’s private part. By the way, both of these gentlemen were outwardly, visually unkept, ie, looked like slobs! Would it have mattered if they wore clean, Izod shirts with sweaters tied around their necks, penny loafers, and Rolex watches? Hardly.

The ratio of hand-washing to not-handwashing after restroom use in this encounter: 1 out of 3. And that was with other people watching them!

Let’s go one step further in this scenario. Both of the non-handwashing gentlemen now enter the theater, grasping the armrests on each side of their seat...with the same hands that touched their “thing” a few moments before. YOU decide to go to the movies later that afternoon. YOU sit in that same seat. And YOU grasp the armrest in the seat where one of those gentlemen were sitting.

I suppose it doesn’t matter about the theater armrest, since YOU went grocery shopping just before going to the movies. And at the grocery store YOU pushed around a cart whose handle was rich with bacteria from guy’s “things”, baby’s diapers, and God knows what else! Then...stuck YOUR fingers in your mouth trying to dislodge that leftover from the bacon-cheeseburger you had for lunch. The same bacon-cheeseburger that some cook at Applebees touched with his unwashed barehands after visiting the restroom.

Have I become really anal-retentive regarding this Howard-Hughes-esque concern about germs and other people’s filth? Will I end up locked in a darkened room eating Oreo cookies and milk, naked, by myself with long, stringy hair and two inch long fingernails? Am I too overly concerned about all of this? Should I buy Purel disinfectant gel in giant two-quart bottles at Costco...by the case?

The answer to those questions is “No”. But, I have had less colds and bouts of the flu in the past few years since becoming more aware of things like this. I just notice it more. Loretta and I do carry a small bottle of that gel in the car. We do use it after grocery shopping especially. It’s just good sense now. I don’t wash my hands 50 times a day.

Back to the Seinfeld “Poppy” episode. Guys in restrooms should at least make an effort to wash their hands, every time. But especially when other people are watching. Make a move to the wash basin...pretend to wash your hands! As George responds, “Yeah...like I do!”