The secrets to a longer life...?

Rice, miso soup, and seaweed...elixirs from The Fountain of Youth?

Does a diet consisting of steamed rice, miso soup, and seaweed offer the possibility of an extended lifespan? Does abstaining from alcohol help one live longer? Will Tomoji Tanabe live to be 113 because of these lifestyle guidelines? He says he wants to live forever. And at 112, Tanabe has lived longer than any other human on record. Great diet...or great luck in the gene pool lottery of life?

Tomoji Tanabe lives in Japan and recently celebrated his 112th birthday.

Once I asked my cardiologist this question: If I ate bean sprouts and tofu exclusively, can I expect to live longer? By the way, at this particular point in time, I was speaking to my doc from a hospital bed in the cardiac care unit of French Medical Hospital in San Luis Obispo, California. It was the day after I had my quintuple cardiac bipass “procedure”...almost eleven years ago. Here was his answer to my question: Well...maybe...maybe not. At best, your condition is a 50/50 result of genetics and lifestyle. More likely, 80% genetics, 20% lifestyle in your case (my father and his father had severe heart disease).

Then, I asked him this question: At what point in my life did those arterial blockages you just bipassed begin to accumulate? His answer: Quite possibly on the day you were born...15 or 16 at the latest. No one really knows...yet.

I am a firm believer that arterial blockages (the actual cause of death in patients with heart disease) are caused by a combination of diet, lifestyle, genetics, ie, fatty foods, stress, and a predisposed family history of heart disease. That’s a no-brainer. But one doesn’t need to have all three to end up on the operating table or in a fancy box six feet under. The medical community is finding out more and more, that genetics plays the primary role in this condition. Next comes lifestyle, then diet.

So what’s the correct solution? If someone has bad genes, a shitty diet, and a stressful, inactive lifestyle...can we assume, “You’re screwed asshole!”? Not entirely I say.

Assuming there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about the gene thing, how about this theory? Eating great tasting, fatty foods like chocolate, sausage gravy, rib eye steaks, buttered popcorn, and Coldstone ice cream releases those immensly powerful pleasure endorfins that make you feel so good. Some scientists feel that this endorfin release is very beneficial to one's well being, even negating the effects of the bad food. I know...this is a stretch. Bear with me. Having sex releases endorfins. But in some people, the stress of sex can have a negative affect...but, the physical exercise one gets from a good romp in the hay is a good thing, right? One bad point, two good points for sex. I say, “Fuck away!” It may help you live longer.

With all of this in mind, here are a few suggestions. If you have a family history of heart disease, go on the Tomoji Tanabe diet immediately. And, train your children from day one that eating this diet or, better yet, the so-called Gorilla Diet and Lifestyle (all greens, eat your own poop, have no natural enemies other than man), is the “bomb”. Do not let your kids watch television or go to public school where they will be exposed to bad habits of every kind. Teach them that eating fast food is the work of the devil and they will go to hell immediately if they eat one Chicken McNugget. Encourage them to pursue a career that makes them happy, even if it is working at a car wash or for a non-profit organization...good self esteem is essential to an extended lifespan. And finally, allow them to live at home all of their adult life wearing diapers...potty training is extremely stressful, not to mention that anal retentive thing later in life.

Your children may be considered weirdo, wimp-ass, diaper-smelling geeks and have no friends outside of their mother...but they stand a much better chance of living past 100! But at least they can care for you when you are in need of potty training again.