Mythbusting: Tell me it just ain't true!

There was an interesting article this morning on Yahoo News concerning some common myths most of us seem to subscribe to...including myself. The wildly popular cable program Mythbusters addresses things like this and attempts to duplicate them on the show all the time. They recently aired some sort of Mythbuster Marathon and after an hour or two I was mythbusted into boredom. Most of them are just plain silly and akin to something you would see on the Jackass series and movies.

The Yahoo article (from a British Medical Journal piece) listed the following as common myths...that just ain't true!

1. We only use 10% of our brains. Myth. I am reasonably sure that most people only use 1% of their brains, especially during the holiday season and when driving.

2. You should drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Myth. The liquid we get from fruits, vegetables, and other foods counts towards this total. And that includes coffee, soft drinks, and Coors light.

3. Finger nails and hair grow after death. Myth. I am convinced that some people use more than 10% of their brain after death.

4. Shaved hair grows back faster, coarser, and darker. Myth. I had a date in high school with Mary Lou Zablonski who never shaved and her mustache looked like Tom Selleck's in Magnum P.I. It was one of those "Butter-face" crushes.

5. Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight. Myth. Reading in dim light doesn't ruin your eyesight...but masturbating a lot in dim light makes you eventually go blind and grow hair on your palms.

6. Eating turkey makes you drowsy. Myth. I've addressed this idiotic wive's tale before. Eating a shitload of anything in one sitting, plus copious amounts of alcohol, and watching the replay of Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on T.V. will make the most stalwart food hog catatonic.

7. Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals. Myth. Only if your urologist is texting his mistress while performing a vasectomy on you. And then, only if she has just told him that she has chlamidia and is pregnant.

Here are few of my own myths that have been "busted"...

8. Sixty is the new forty. Myth. Depends on the "mileage".

9. Money is the root of all evil. Myth. Only if you don't have any.

10. Watching graphically violent movies will make you more violent. Myth. If you don't agree, I might have to kill you.

11. Looking at porn makes you a pervert. Myth. I've never seen any porn, so I couldn't tell you. It does make you a pathological liar though.

12. Elvis is dead. Myth. He just may have had extensive plastic surgery and become the president of North Korea.

13. Shit rolls downhill. Myth. Shit usually hits the fan and goes everywhere.

14. A dog or cat will explode in the microwave. Myth. It only makes their hair fall out, causes them to sleep more than usual, and makes them glow in the dark.

15. Drinking red wine is good for you. Myth. But drinking seven bottles of MD 20/20 a day allows you write like Charles Bukowski.

16. Size does matter. Myth. It ain't the size of the boat...it's the motion of the ocean!