Miscellany

Did you know that if you lay a cat on its side on a linoleum floor and spin it around in circles several times, when you're done spinning it...your Dad will kick your ass?

Recently seen on an employment application I was going over (under Past Employer): Waitress at O'Brain's Bar & Girll. Hmmm...on which pile should I place this one?

You know you're getting old and fat when after tying your shoes you need a few toques off the old oxygen tank.

What's green and red and goes around in circles real fast? A frog in a blender.

Seritonin inhibitors...don't start your day without them.

Anyone remember this one? Milk...milk...lemonade...around the corner fudge is made?

The other day I asked a driver getting out of his car in a parking lot, "Do you know how to drive?" His answer, "How do you think I got here, jackass?"

What do you mean smoking pot makes you stupid? I quit smoking it, didn't I?

You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes...you just might get what she needs.

If there really is reincarnation. I would like to come back as a dog. Except for that butt smelling thing, could we talk about that? Oh, and that snacking out of the kitty litter box thing. And, that sleeping on a flea-infested blanket in the garage thing. And the no-thumbs thing. Come to think of it...I'd rather come back as a cat. If things aren't too good, I can just run away to the neighbor's house. Except for that spinning on the linoleum floor thing.