Our Oscar Party "A" List...we are the Party Nazis!

I don’t think a year has gone by when I didn’t tune in to the Oscars for at least a look or two. As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I’m not that into watching Hollywood-ish awards shows, ie, the Grammy's, the Golden Globes, the People’s Choice Awards. Although this year I did watch the Grammy's a few weeks ago.

So, Loretta and I planned to watch the Oscars, aka, the Academy Awards. In fact, we even invited over a couple of friends, and I planned to whip up some special “Oscar” snacks, ie, Hot Wings, Chips and Guacamole, Mozzarella-stuffed Taquitos, a 12-pack of Tecate...just some fun, fattening fair to make this occasion a bit more, well, special. After all, like other events such as The Super Bowl, it’s the party, the food, the banter, and the socialization that makes the show interesting...right?

Well, the people we invited over told us that a little “Oscar Party” sounded like fun, “Sure, that’s sounds like fun!” was their exact response, “What time shall we be there? Do you want us to bring anything?” “You don't need to bring anything, I’ll take care of the food and drink", I said, “The pre-Oscar show starts at 5:30...why don’t you get here by 5:30?”

Our guests flaked (again). And since we had invited people who hadn’t ever been invited to our house for dinner or other party-type happening previously, those people are now on our “B” list...one step away from the dreaded “C” list.

Here is how this list works. Everyone we meet and feel might be someone to invite over for dinner, a party, or other social gathering starts out on the “A” list. Any potential invitee who is “invitation worthy” gets the benefit of the doubt at the outset. “Hey, honey”, I exclaim, “they would be fun to have over sometime!” Loretta and I like to entertain, we’ve always had small dinner parties throughout the year as well as a bigger seasonal party or BBQ or three. We’re certainly not party animals or social butterflies...we just enjoy having folks over once in a while. And, I have a lot of fun planning and cooking for these things. I am the social director for this fun-loving twosome called “Skip and Loretta”.

So, how does one get on the “B” list or (worse) the “C” list? It’s simple. If someone expresses an interest in “getting together sometime”...we extend an invitation. If they refuse an invitation two times, they are moved from the “A” list to the “B” list. If they refuse three times, they are now on the “C” list. If they “flake” once, ie, accept an invitation then don’t show up once, it’s onto the “C” list, thus moving from the “A” list directly to the “C” list...otherwise known as “The Waste of Time List”. You’re done! You’re outta here! No invitations for you for two years!

Yes...we have become the “Party Nazis”. We are the Modesto equivalent of that outrageous, iconic soup kitchen owner of Seinfeld fame. When it comes to planned socializing at “Casa de Skip and Loretta”, we don’t take any crap any longer!

I was recently reading an article about entertaining, especially bigger gatherings. The writer advised that party planners should count on about 20-30% of their confirmed guests not showing up. You would use this theory to determine the amount of food and drink to have on hand. With larger parties, people (in general) seem to think that they won’t be missed if they simply don’t show up. We’re talking bashes with 30 or more invited. To me, this is totally unacceptable! I remember having parties years ago, and the rule of thumb was “Plan on 15 to 20% more than you invited”. And you know what? That’s exactly what happened. I was always paranoid that I would not have enough food or drink. And you know what else? More often than not, that was the case. And you know why? Because more people showed up at, or “crashed” , the party than you originally invited.

So, with all of this mind...what conclusion should I come to regarding our parties, and/or our social standing?

1. Our parties stink!
2. We stink!
3. People stink!
4. At 57 years old, I am still painfully naive about a lot of things in life (a given).
5. Times have changed (a given), ie, common courtesy, manners, drinking and driving laws. Refer back to number 4.
6. I’m living in a fantasy world (a given).
7. I’m too sensitive (a given).
8. I’m inviting the wrong people. Find some new friends.
9. I should stop inviting people over. This is actually what has happened the past two years or so. Our social gatherings have dwindled considerably.
10. I should stop obsessing over this sign of the times!

Just a few years ago, we put together a “Dinner Club” of sorts. It consisted of about 8 couples we knew who were interested in getting together for dinner once a month. Each couple would plan on having all of us over at their house for a themed dinner party. In the six months this Dinner Club was in existence, it was at our house twice, and at another couple’s house once. The other three months, it didn’t happen, ie, the scheduled couples flaked at the last minute! They didn’t offer to change the date, they just canceled at the last moment. Our Dinner Club faded into nonexistence. Unfortunately, half of those couple are now divorced and/or have moved away. The others don’t seem interested any longer...and, by the way, have become permanent residents on our “B” or “C” lists.

Back to the Oscars. I actually picked the Top 6 winners. The Departed (Best Picture), Martin Scorsese (Best Director, The Departed), Forrest Whittaker (Best Actor, The Last King of Scotland), Helen Mirren (Best Actress, The Queen), Alan Arkin (Best Supporting Actor, Little Miss Sunshine), Jennifer Hudson (Best Supporting Actress, Dreamgirls). Ellen DeGeneres was mildly entertaining as the host. No one will ever top the Johnny Carson years. The highlight was a little song and dance number performed by Jack Black, Will Ferrell, and John C. Riley about comedic actors not getting the recognition they deserve. It was a crackup. The low light was a boring, drawn out montage of foreign films past and present. The two most poignant parts of the broadcast were Forrest Whittaker’s heartfelt acceptance speech, and the tribute they always offer about movie industry icons who passed away during the previous year.

Our little Oscar “party” was very enjoyable with just the two of us...so be it. I think the whole Academy Awards extravaganza can be summed up in the words of my best friend. He called me from Albuquerque during the middle of the show. “Yeah, I’m watching it”, he said, “ it’s on with the volume turned off while I’m cleaning the baseboards in my kitchen.”