Super Bowl Ex El Eye

I watched my first football game of the season yesterday. It was played in Dolphin Stadium in Miami pitting the Indianapolis Colts versus the Chicago Bears. The Colts won 29 to 17. I think they called this game Super Bowl XLI.

As far as football games go, it was not bad. A bunch of over-paid guys running up and down a grassy field, trying to hold on to a wet, oblong-shaped sphere...then jumping on each other in big piles when one of them can't hold on to the ball. One question: Why do they pay those guys so much money to carry this inflated pigskin...when they can rarely even hold on to it at all? It would have been better if the Bears had won though. I’m not a Chicago Bears fan by any stretch of the imagination...it just would have been nice to see the underdog team pull it out. The Bears scored a touchdown on the opening kickoff. This will go down in football history as the only highlight of the big game...unless you count some of the commercials that play during this T.V. extravaganza.

The pre-game started about five hours before the kickoff...that in itself is always an overkill, don’t you think? And, how do you fill five hours of pre-game? I honestly don’t recall. Mostly a lot of background features and much prattle by a panel of so-called “analysts” comprised of retired players and a few unrecognizable play-by-play guys and gals. Are we that enthralled with getting up close and personal to Peyton Manning...over and over again?

The Artist played at half-time. Excuse me, I think he calls himself Prince again. I’m pretty sure he actually played live, but I’m not entirely confident that some of the music wasn’t prerecorded. I could have sworn his guitar was still playing a couple of times when his hands were raised in the air attempting to get the crowd excited. You gotta hand it to him...he was doing all this in a driving rain. Appropriate I suppose, since one of his “hits” was Purple Rain. Maybe I missed it, but I don’t think he played Little Red Corvette or 1999. He may have...I was in and out of the kitchen working on some hot wings and baby back ribs.

Back to the commercials. They are always a highlight of this television event...usually much more entertaining than the game itself. None of the mega-expensive spots really stood out for me. The Dorito commercial was funny...evidently the winner from a new-film maker contest.

By the way...I watched this game solo...by myself...alone. Loretta had to work until 5:30. We saw some of the last quarter while eating the wings and baby back ribs. I was doing something else when the game ended. “Is it over?”, I yelled from another room. Apparently I had lost interest after the wings and baby back ribs.

Earlier in the day, I spoke to my buddy Bob in Albuquerque. If anyone could qualify as an anti-fan of football, especially the Super Bowl, he is it. He sent me an e-mail of things he would rather be doing than watching this game. Listen to a candle burn. Swallow Drano. Watch Bridges of Madison County. Just a sample of his “rather do’s”.

Why I watched this over-hyped, over-marketed, overrated finale to a sport that holds no interest for me? Here are a couple of theories.

1. ‘Cause guys are ‘spose to watch the Super Bowl.
2. I wanted to see a football game on our near-new plasma T.V....in high def!
3. Sometimes the commercials are interesting. (They weren’t this year)
4. I planned to write a Super Bowl blog the next day.
5. ‘Cause guys are ‘spose to watch the Super Bowl (Did I already mention that?)

Loretta and I surmised that we would both be more “into” this thing if we ever have a Super Bowl party of our own. Not that we haven’t been to other Super Bowl bashes at other people’s houses...we have. And they, by the way, were kind of boring and disappointing...filled with feigned enthusiasm, lots of unappetizing food, and people we didn’t know (or care to be around).

The Super Bowl is all about the party. Unless you are a fervent fan of one of the teams, the bash is everything. Booze and nasty food. If I was going to eat a Bacon-Wrapped-Tater-Tot dipped in Chipotle Ranch Dressing...this would be the day.

By the way, one nefarious distinction the Super Bowl holds...it is also the annual “Most Cases of Spousal Abuse Day”. So...with all the shots of Cuervo and beer, the excitement, the missed field goals, the testosterone overflow...it’s time to beat on the wife or girlfriend! What a manly tradition, huh?

Maybe next year, we can have our own Super Bowl party. Ours will be unique. It will be a Non-Super Bowl Party. We’ll invite over some friends who have no interest in the big game. We’ll drink Chardonnay. I’ll prepare some tasty, unmanly food...like quiche, fondue, and bacon-wrapped scallops with a Madera reduction. Maybe we’ll have a Speed Scrabble tournament then watch Casablanca or The Graduate or The Big Chill. At “half-time”, we’ll play a Phil Collins Live concert DVD.

The Super Bowl...I just don’t get it...never have, probably never will. Sorry.